Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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