I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
