Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It was like giving head to a cactus.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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