Have you finally orgasmed yet?
There r osticjed everywhere
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
