I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
