Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
