i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
