No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
