I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
