are you so shy because you have an std?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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