May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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