apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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