there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize