Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
