PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
