Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
