you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
