Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I supernannyed him into submission
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
