why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just send me my own nude
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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