i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
