Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
