Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
