something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
