tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
