I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
