my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
