Umm I'm too high to move.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I've blown a few things in my day
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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