ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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