The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
