I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
