i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Ketchup is God's man juice
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
