You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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