If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
