tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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