Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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