Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(563): View more from Iowa

why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.

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(845): View more from New York

She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street

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(432): View more from Texas

I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.

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(810): View more from Michigan

Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.

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(210): View more from Texas

Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!

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(410): View more from Maryland

Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?

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