my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I didn't notice because vodka
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
