in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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