Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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