Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
