think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
