Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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