Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I have aggressive nipples.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
