Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
