you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he puts the penis in happiness.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
