i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
