Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
