Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
