We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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