i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
