I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You are a genius and a whore.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
