my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
