eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
