Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
