you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
