Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
