I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
