I want to make a zoo with you.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
