hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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