I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i love accidental penises.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
this hospital has no fireball
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
