He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Randomize
