What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
