id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
