you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Two words: blizzard sex
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
