Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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