Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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