If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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