I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I need water and some morals
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
