So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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